Movie: Old (2021) **

 I wrote a long review about Old, but I accidentally deleted the note from my iPhone. Argh! So here is a more succinct version of what I can remember about why I thought Old was terrible.

1. It was too long. Old would have made a good Twilight Zone episode, which are about 24 minutes each. 

2. Too many errors. It seemed like aging wasn't happened across the board. Why didn't the rapper character age? Why did bones deteriorate, but hair and nails didn't grow? Wouldn't menstrual cycles be happening at least once an hour?

3. Blue Lagoon- Really? Just something sensational and outrageous to fill time. Just like the multiple unsuccessful attempts to escape. Time-fillers.

4. Sad crab-walking lady- The funniest scene in the movie caused me to belly-laugh out loud with a theater full of socially-distanced people. This kind of made it worth going into a theater for the first time, post Covid-closure. Kind of. 

Two stars. For the belly laugh.

ADDENDUM! 07/04/2022

I previously said "Old would have made a good Twilight Zone episode," but speculative fiction TV did cover rapid aging in the X-Files, season 2, episode 19, Død Kalm. Mulder and Scully go to Norway to investigate what seems to be a Bermuda-Triangle-like stretch of ocean from which sailors have returned prematurely aged. They find themselves on a rusty old ship where the inhabitants have aged and died or have mysteriously managed to maintain. This version of the mysterious rapid aging was executed so much better than the movie Old. Take that M. Night! Chris Carter did it better way back in 1995 and in only 45 minutes! 

Movie: All the Saints of Newark (2021) ***

 “It’s the wanting.” – Uncle Sally

Let me start by saying The Sopranos is my favorite television show. I love the writing, the acting, the atmosphere, the magically authentic way a family drama blends with the dark comedy of mafia life. 

When I heard they were making a Sopranos movie, I sent up prayers to the gods of television and big screen that they wouldn’t ruin the show in any way. I can say that my prayers were answered. I enjoyed The Many Saints of Newark, but it took a little bit of work to get there.

First of all, I had to separate the fact from fiction: I saw some of the junket surrounding the movie. People were describing it as the making of Tony Soprano, the man, through his childhood and teenage formative years. The first time I watched the movie, I was disappointed because that is not what the movie is about. After I finished the movie for the second time, I decided that this wasn’t about the making of Tony, The Saints was about Dickie and Harold. Tony took backseat to those storylines. 

 

The good: 

They filled in the backstory of Uncle Junior and why he was so bitter, jealous and single. 

Vera Farmiga played the hell out of Livia Soprano. 

The actor who played Janice, Alexandra Intrator, was also fantastic and really captured her mannerisms.

The bad:

I wanted more out of the voiceover narrative by Chrissie. He could have explained Pussy’s name. He could have provided a verbal bridge between Dickie’s behavior and Tony’s adult behavior. 

 

Who’s the boss of Newark? I don’t know who ran the show. 

 

Will someone please explain the blind baseball team? Was that a wishful thinking sequence? That was a perfect opportunity for a Chrissie narrative to do some ‘splaining. 

 

Although I liked how it looked, why did the beach scene all of a sudden turn into an arthouse short? The only thing that came to mind was that they were trying to link it to Tony’s boardwalk dreams.